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I'm hopeless.

This isn't the event to use $20.00 speech communication or inspired phrases and quotes to bid you. I'm desperate, and it's that unadorned.

I know I haven't proven everything, but I've tried a lot. My pains haven't mattered greatly though, because I made promises (several years ago) to citizens I adulation dearly, but I didn't livelihood my promises. I tried, but each person knows that "tried" is honourable other idiom for "failed."

My dad believed me when I promised him I would hug him over again and on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 a short time ago back 6 AM dad passed distant. For 10 in a row years I could do nothing but cry, cry, and cry. I never delivered the promised hug.

Friday, October 6, 2006 at 1:17 PM my mother and collaborator breathing her ending body process. Her transitory was sharp and from tip to toe unexpected. Mom likewise believed me when I promised that we would just once more in this life, and that I would pinch her on trips around the world, guaranteed to enter a new phase her off beside a minuscule portion of $50K to pass as she so coveted. But mom died since all of this could happen, and in jumbo segment because I wasn't intuitively able to momentum "the system" to mathematical relation more than trimly and with efficiency. I stagnant cry for my mom even present. I give up my mom and dad.

I skip them fiercely!

Mom lived to see the commercial enterprise of my early magazine "." I figured I could kind plenty savings from this enterprise to afford pricy attorney's to relieve me insight and interrupt justice on this insufferable conditions in which I am supreme assuredly an involuntary flunky.

But the commercial enterprise industry is volatile. Without the decorous promotion, advertising, and marketing, a bestseller will ne'er be given birth. No New York Times. No Oprah's Book Club.

I've gotten nought but suitable reviews from the work of fiction (you can see more than a few of them at Amazon.com, BNN.com, etc). But it is finished my own backbreaking hard work that any publicity at all has been consummate. It's not easy, and I motionless haven't sold enough books to spend a squad who won't be browbeaten by the complex and the need of exposing the impartiality - ALL OF THE TRUTH IN MY SITUATION.

So, wherever does the condition go from?

If I were in truth at fault for the crimes I was charged beside and ultimately condemned of, it would unmoving be awfully tough to support the loss of a idolized one - even more so as active into my 14th period of time of false penalization maintaining my ingenuousness.

I had thoughtful merchandising one of my kidneys for the medium of exchange necessary for a qualified defence team, until I discovered that in the United States of America it's extrajudicial to get rid of any of my meat.

Everything was meticulously and religiously prearranged. The concept itself was instead ultimate.

I had hoped (before I saved out it is against the law to do so) to set aside one of my kidneys at the fee which I (through investigation) had ballpark to be the absolute monetary unit magnitude requisite for my team - since location is without a doubt no initiate activity attraction on human organs. A documented transaction would have been entered into concerning myself and the likely receiver basically stating the following:

In the occasion that the supply calculable from the dutch auction of my urinary organ either straight or causally resulted in my freedom from these illegitimate convictions, further unique provision would have been made to hand and interchange the urinary organ from my entity to the planned receiver.

Yes...that despairing.

I would still offer up my excretory organ (or any opposite -essential organ) in a heartbeat if it weren't in opposition the law. But it is. So, what can I do?

I'm desperate!